Sensless Jargon's Journal

7:04pm: pointless tests can be fun.
Ok normally I wouldn't put something like this on but just look at it. I mean shiny pants. JINNNNNNNNNNNN!

<td bgcolor="#000000">Name:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">You will conquer:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">the Moon. Beat that.</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your title will be:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">President</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">You will succeed by:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Wearing shiny pants.</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your Enforcers will be:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">The Antarans (from Masters of Orion II).</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your first act as ruler:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Write a motivational seminar entitled "Why I am Overlord, and you are not."</td></tr>

The World Is MINE! by Demonac
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

3:24am: OK
Well I have had the entire day to think about the whole thing. And I have come to a conclusion. I don't care anymore, I'm not going to let this get to me. And no matter how bad things are at the moment I only have a clean slate to deal with. With a new job on the horizon(when I get it, there is no if) and a few really good friends on my side. My friends. Let me tell you what, I am so lucky to have some of the friends that I have. Sean, my best friend in the world, there is nothing I feel I can't tell him, I treat him like a brother. And Anton, today when I was feeling really really and I mean really low, I changed my MSN screen name to something that I was feeling and suddendly I recieved a call from him. . . .all the way from LA. He called me from 4 states away just to see if I was ok. How cool is that. Also everyone at work was totally supportave and that made me feel much better. So with everyone doing all this for me, I feel I owe it to them, and my self god damnit, all to get back to my old self. To do this, Tomorrow(today) I will return to my shao lin studio and talk to my masters about comming back, hopefuly I will be able to use the 2 months I never attended class during, or I can work something out with them. Second, I am going to get back into shape and start feeling better about my self. Third, well I guess I am still kinda working on that one, but I'm sure there is one in there somewhere. I mean if I keep worrying and being serious all the time I'll turn into an old man fast.
Besides, for the past month I have pulled a Trigun. Had a smile so empty it hurt to look at, even in the mirror. I can't stand to see me like that, I know my friends can't stand to see me like that, and my family can't bare to see me like that. So Starting today, I will retake my life, and do with it what I can. That is all we really can do, isn't it?

and now for your reading enjoyment I bring you the worlds shortest Tenchi lemon.

Tenchi-"Ow, ow, ow, OW! THAT IS NOT A CARROT!!!!"

3:41am: Well life can't get much worse at the moment, but hopefuly only for this week
Alright I know its been a bit since I have said anything. But here we go. Near the beginning of last month I determined that I have fallen for Tiff, but I had also determined that I was never going to tell her this. But not long after that things ended very abruptly. And I am still searching for the reason. I just don't know what happened or what is going on, all I know is that I miss her. But I can't control everything in this universe. As for the other things in my life. I began working at a club as the bouncer, 3 nights a week I sit at the door and check ID's and what not. its ok but so boring. Now the bad part of this is, this is my only job at the moment. I am unemployed during the days so money is non-existant for me. I am waiting to hear back on a new job thought that would solve all my money worries. But until I have that for sure I am screwed, to the point where I have even though about selling my car because I couldn't keep up the payments. I offically have no friends left in the flesh around here and that is really getting to me hardcore. Although I am quite happy that they have all moved on and are doing great things with their lives, it still leaves me here with the only people to talk to through a keyboard. My best friend once said "lonelyness is going over a list of crossed out names and relizing you have no where left to turn." I went through my phone the other day and deleted almost half the #'s of people I can't call anymore, which is what made me think if it. Also because of my total lack of $ I haven't been able to return to my shao lin training yet. Something I despertaly need at this point in my life. I made it to the rank of brown belt in record time and then life took a turn on me. My bothers I never see anymore, because one finally found a life, while the other is living his. I feel like I am just totally left behind in everything. Even my quest to become a voice actor. About 2 weeks ago I attended Nan Desu Kan(the colorado anime convention) and that gave me the chance to hang out with a few voice actor people I know, like Bob Bergen(the voice of porky pig) and although that reinspired me to keep with it( I didn't need reinspiring but it sounds good) I can't because I am broke and stuck here in colorado. I just feel totally lost in life. right now I am even looking for what my motovation to even get out of bed in the mornings(or afternoons if I sleep in) Also 2-3 days ago, on Sept 30 I turned 25. A quarter of a century old. I spent it alone. Well kinda, I did the whole dinner with the family thing and all that. But then I went out. and spent the rest of the night all by my self. My birthday has always gotten to me, all the way back when I was just a small child. But even today it still hasn't gotten better. I guess what I am thinking is, what am I doing in my life? where am I going? and most of all, how can I contiue with things going like they are? (now don't worry this isn't one of those cry for help things, I just am having the hardest time seeing the future, so don't think I am thinking of doing anything too stupid, for me not to do anything stupid is imposible as we already know) And as for tonight? Well I worked a full shift at the club, came home, wrote Tiff, I hope she writes back, and then I was going to read some anime. Which is the only thing that gets my mind off my problems at the moment. and then fall asleep. Hopefuly next time I update this thing there will be something, anything, happy in it.

11:35pm: whats going on?
Still alive, I was going to go through this long update, however, I don't think I feel like it at the moment. all I will say is, I relized I love her. I'll elborate more later, but, not at the moment.

5:46pm: a random update, the serious one will follow later today if I remain awake
Now I bring you almost every slang term for breasts.


Ok this post actually streched out my entire journal and we can't have that. so I am going to redo it and put it back up once it will all fit.

8:27pm: Labor Day weekend . . .
Alright, So what did I do this weekend? Well to start it out I left work early by many hours. and managed to get a new job which I start monday. Got new tires for my car so it would stay on the road, and then VEGAS BABY!!!! Thats right. road trip out to vegas. had a good time, got to see a bunch of people I haven't in a while. won 50 bucks. over all a good trip, however there is one thing I came to relize in my many hours of driving. I FUCKING HATE the desert. Colder than a witch's tit in a brass brazier at night, hotter than satins ass crack during the day. And no clouds at all. Anyways, on the way there I got to see my best friend and hang out with him for about 7 hours, and 7 hours on the way back. So that was all good. As for the situtation with tiff "the chick" I don't know. when I was about 100 miles away I called her to see if I could see her since it had been a few days. She wasn't really up to seeing anyone when I called because she has started splicing her tounge. Ya, your guess is as good as mine. This process is going to take maybe 2 weeks to a month for a full heal, so I'm not sure how much I am going to be seeing her in the next few days. but enough about that since it is kinda being wierd.(normaly wierd is good with me but this is not a really good kind of wierd) So I roll back into town at like 10 pm. (I left vegas about 24 hours priar for those with a score card) and I decided something very important. I needed a drink after that kind of excursion. So I go to netherworld (the place where tiff and I hang out toghter) But I knew no one there that night. So I tried to find another bar where I might know someone. But I had no luck with that. So I stoped into a bar called the blue ice, well long story short I never found anyone I knew, but I may have gotten a job working security and bouncing at a club. anyways I'm tired and this probally all makes no sense since I am just rambling anyways. At least I now get to leave my current job at the end of the week.

12:21am: What is love?
I have been giving this a lot of thought, and at 12:30 in the morning when I really should be asleep(fucking work schedule) I just found my self repeating the word love. How do you know if you love someone? what does love mean from person to person? Am I falling in love with her? I always used to think that love was giving your self to someone and caring more about them than you do about your self. About 2 weeks ago, we were lying on her bed talking. My head was in her lap and I was looking up at her. And we were just talking about how we both had to be the strong ones of each of our familys. And when I was talking I actually wept a tear or 2. Still I'm not sure why this happened. But she totally gave her self up to make me feel better. Wiped my cheak, and hugged me. And last night she was not feeling well as we drove home from a coffee shop, and yet she still reached over and touched my leg to let me know that she was thinking of me, and that she was still there. When we got back to her place I could see that she really wasn't feeling well so I did everything that I possibly could for her. Made her food, tucked her in. held her tight to keep her warm. And as I was doing all this, I relized that I haven't found the limits I would go for her. To make her happy. We have only really been going out for 4 months now. It seems so much longer, but could I be falling in love with her?

12:29am: What I did today.
Well lets see. I woke up, went to work, was so bored because nothing ever happened. watched "Big Trouble in Little China" messed around on the net. watched some Strong Bad e-mails. and now I am going to go to bed. you should too. its late.

11:08pm: its a boring life after all. . . .
Well this offically sucks. As of about a week ago, my brother went back to school. My best friend moved about 300 miles away. and I have no friends left in the area. hell it even takes an hour to get the "the chicks" house. I feel like I have nothing to do in the evenings when I get home from work. Oh well rant over. I'll just go do. . . . .something.

9:43pm: Things are just still wierd. . .
Well, I talked to her today, and we both just kinda acted the same as we always do, but she kinda seemed a little colder than usual. I asked her to come and hang out with me tonight, but she couldn't, so I asked her to come with me and see Freddy VS. Jason on friday, but she wasn't able to do that either. . . . it kinda feels like ever since I asked her to be with me in the relationship sense, that she is starting to avoid me. I don't know, I'm probally just reading into this all to much and overthinking it. I'm just going to do the smart thing and let things just set for a few days and not push anything. I would like things to be back to the way they were before I decided a bottle of Jack would be a good thing to help me think. But nothing I can do about this at the moment, so I'm just not going to stress out about it. But I still don't know whats going on and that is kinda getting to me.

7:08pm: In the beggingin
So now I have a live journal for all the world to look at and see how my life has been going. Well I hope you are in for a long read because the shiz has hit the fan right as I created this account. But for now we are just going to say that I may be single again, I'm just not sure.